Regular dedicated one-on-one time is a powerful parenting tool which is beneficial for both your child and you as a parent.
We are all looking for the techniques and solutions which could improve the relationships with our children or their behaviour. There are some techniques which are helpful in many aspects of our family life at the same time. I call them ‘the universal tools’ and I love them for their simplicity and effectiveness. Regular dedicated time is one of them and I’m going to show you how to implement it and make it attractive.
WHAT IS ‘DEDICATED TIME’?
It’s 10 minutes a day with a child up to the age of 7 and 30 minutes a week for older children. So only you and your child. You should turn off the TV, telephone, computer, put out the gas under the pots, etc. Try to organize the space so that nothing distracts you. And during these 10 or 30 minutes you ought to give 100% of your attention to your child – you can play, you can talk, you can go for a walk, you can roll on the floor or tickle – whatever you want, or rather what the child wants because this is a special time for them. You are probably thinking now: ‘What? 10 minutes? It’s nothing! It is not enough!’ If you can spend more time and do it more often, you should definitely do it. But let it be your minimum! You will see after some time that even these 10 minutes, but with full commitment, will be enough.
It’s 10 minutes a day with a child up to the age of 7 and 30 minutes a week for older children. So only you and your child. You should turn off the TV, telephone, computer, put out the gas under the pots, etc. Try to organize the space so that nothing distracts you. And during these 10 or 30 minutes you ought to give 100% of your attention to your child – you can play, you can talk, you can go for a walk, you can roll on the floor or tickle – whatever you want, or rather what the child wants because this is a special time for them.
You are probably thinking now: ‘What? 10 minutes? It’s nothing! It is not enough!’ If you can spend more time and do it more often, you should definitely do it. But let it be your minimum! You will see after some time that even these 10 minutes, but with full commitment, will be enough.
THE BENEFITS OF ‘DEDICATED TIME’ HABIT
Set a regular time as much as possible and make sure that you treat it with the same care as the most important meeting in your company. I guarantee you that you will see the effects in a very short time at almost every aspect of your child’s life. The child then satisfies their need to have your full attention, to feel important, unique, and powerful.
They become less possessive, fight less with their siblings for your attention, learn to wait patiently for your ‘date’, creatively think about how to spend this time, open up to you, and with time, this will be the moment when you can have the most important conversations with your child in peace, trust, and with no rush.
How will you benefit?
In addition to the fact that you will quickly see an improvement in your child’s behaviour, you will also be able to refer to it during the day, when you will not be able to or want to ride the railway on wooden tracks for another hour: ‘Honey, I can’t now, but I’m really looking forward to our date/ special time at 5 pm. And then I’m all at your disposal!’ (And in your mind, you can add: ‘And I will survive these 10 minutes of this game and show my sincere enthusiasm. I just hope I don’t forget to set the timer for 10 minutes’).
What when the timer rings? If you can and you feel like it, keep playing. If not, you can say: ‘Honey, our date is over today and I can’t wait for our special time tomorrow!’ (let a child choose the name for this special time/ date and then use it). And believe me, you will be waiting impatiently for these dates yourself because it will be a great time for both of you!
THE IDEAS FOR DEDICATED TIME WITH TEENAGERS
Your teenager may seem not to need or enjoy this special time with you. I wouldn’t believe them. It is a desirable and valuable time for them as well. However, if they are not used to it since they were small kids, it can be weird or suspicious for them. They may not see the benefits of it and prefer to be with their friends or play computer games.
I would still offer it to them, maybe once per 2 weeks or once a month but then you should spend a few valuable hours with them. Here are some of the ideas of what you can do with your teenager and there is a huge chance that after some time, when they get used to this dedicated time and start to appreciate it, they will come up with their own ideas and slowly invite you to their world…
- Go for a walk together
- Invite your teenager for a lunch
- Go for a one-day trip
- Look through the photo album from his childhood
- Tell him about your childhood if he’s interested
- Practise some sport together
- Go shopping
- Cook a meal
- Watch a film and talk about it
- Play his favourite game with him
- Invite him to your workplace
- Spend time on planning vacation or a weekend
- Listen to music
- Talk about things which you have in common
- And talk about things which differ you
To sum up, it is a simple short technique, one of my favourites from Positive Discypline which could be a life-changer for your child and your whole family. So don’t waste anymore time and start organising it today! If you want to read about this and other methods, which I’ve found extremely helpful in my own parenting, my FREE EBOOK and JOIN OUR GROUP for more tips and exchange of our parenting experiences and advice.
